Let’s get something straight: I am not what you would call a ‘girly girl’. In neither the ‘girly’ or the ‘girl’ sense. That doesn’t mean that I am neccessarily masculine- I have hips, but I have no idea how to use them- but I am not the type of person that enjoys dressing up or even wearing a dress. This applies to makeup and hair product as as well- I never feel less comfortable than i do when I’m wearing product. If a hair is out of place or I have a zit then other people have to live with it.

So why do I enjoy books about how to be a child- popping, pie-baking, Stepford wife? Yes, the irony has a large part to play, because… well, because. But it’s largely the use of kick- arse illustration and the way that abnormalities are quickly dealt with. Or swept under the carpet.

So, back to the Standard Textbook of Cosmotology, which has been the preferred reader of beauty school dropouts since 1938, with revisions along the way. These days it’s full of stock photography. But not so in 1967.

See? Line drawings of hot chicks. So let’s meet a few.

Gentlemen, do you wonder whether you’re ever going to find the bearded lady of your dreams? Well, look no further for your hairy hot chick action.

I tell you, too much hair is never enough for these beauties. Superfluous my arse. And in case you’re wondering, the curtains do match the drapes.

Fact: cosmonauts first landed on the moon in 1969. But two years earlier cosmotologists landed on this woman’s face and lived to tell the tale. Tell me, what would be the greater discovery- that there is life on Mars or that this woman’s face is actually made of cheese?

Anyway, you’ve got the gist. I have more of these books around, so I might as well tell you all about them. But not until after my nails have dried.